He doesn’t answer, just moves away towards the greying landscape surrounding the fairytale-like castle we had booked a room in for the weekend.
‘Please Dan, slow down.’
He catches himself suddenly and turns.
‘I will be back in five minutes, I just need some air to clear my head.’
‘Ok, but the glass. Do we tell the hotel?’
‘Leave it. They won’t notice or care, it’s an old window.’
He walks off but I follow.
‘Wait, I'll walk with you. I'm sorry if what I said brought this on.’
‘It’s not just that, it’s everything.’
‘I do understand some of what you are feeling but if you could only talk to me a little bit more. You never say much about your work and when I day-dream with you it’s only because well, it’s natural isn’t it, when two people are in love to dream about doing things together.’
‘There are just some things I can’t do and don’t dream about, that’s all.’
We walk in silence for a while.
‘Maya, listen, I have to go away for a while and I think it would be best if we cool it, you and I.’
‘Yes sure Dan, friends like last time, right? That worked out great for both of us remember?’
‘Don’t be like that, I really mean it this time.’
‘Sure, we both always really mean it Dan.’
‘It’s just the way it is.’
‘Where are you off to this trip?’
‘I can’t say exactly, I don’t know yet.’
‘Which: can’t say or don’t know?’, I am smiling but only from one side of my mouth.
‘Well, as long as you're safe. Let me see your hand.’
‘It's fine, no blood, no glass.’
‘Will you be in touch this time or will you disappear like the last fifty times? Or is this the time that it’s really really over?’
He looks at me so directly I almost keel over. No answer. He kisses me and walks back towards the fairytale castle to pack.
by Randa Gedeon
Illustration by Randa Gedeon